Separation Anxiety and Starting School: What I’ve Learned as a Mom and Sleep Coach

Every toddler is unique, so not everyone will show the same level of nervousness when starting something new. I’ve talked with many moms who experience a long and overwhelming transition when their little one starts a new daycare or preschool, while other toddlers seem to navigate these changes like nothing happened.

If your little one is more sensitive, you might start noticing sleep disruptions—like waking up in the middle of the night or having a hard time falling asleep. That’s actually what has been happening at our house lately.

Even though my kids are older, all the feelings around starting school have shown up at bedtime.

My daughter, who usually falls asleep independently, has been asking me to stay with her until she drifts off. That’s not her norm, but we’ve been giving in because we know she’s going through something big.

It’s “easier” when older kids can put their feelings into words, but it’s so much harder with younger babies and toddlers, who may just cry out of nowhere. What they’re really telling us is: I need you. I don’t feel safe without you right now.

Why Starting School Triggers Separation Anxiety

Starting daycare or preschool is a huge milestone. It means new caregivers, new peers, a new environment—and that can feel overwhelming for little ones. Even if they’ve been sleeping great at home, these changes can stir up big emotions that show up at night. Sleep disruptions are incredibly common during this stage.

What You Can Do to Help ❤️

Here are a few gentle strategies to support your child both during the day and at night:

• Create predictable routines. Toddlers and preschoolers thrive on knowing what comes next. A consistent morning and bedtime routine can ease anxiety.

• Use visuals. A visual routine chart (pictures of brushing teeth, putting on PJs, storytime, lights out) helps kids feel more secure because they can see what’s coming.

• Practice short goodbyes. Instead of sneaking out, say a quick, confident goodbye. It builds trust.

• Send a comfort item. A small lovey or family photo in the backpack can be reassuring.

• Stay calm and consistent. Your confidence helps your child feel safe and reassured, even when it’s tough.

• Support sleep. Remember, separation anxiety can make kids extra tired. Your toddler might be overtired from the day—so offer an extra nap if needed, or move bedtime earlier to help them recharge.

The Big Picture

Transitions are hard on little ones, and separation anxiety often shows up strongest at bedtime. While it can feel exhausting in the moment, know that this stage won’t last forever. With gentle support, patience, and consistency, your child will adjust—and their sleep will settle again.

✨ To make things a little easier, I created a free bedtime routine chart you can download and use with your toddler or preschooler. It’s a simple, visual way to bring more calm and consistency to evenings—especially during big transitions like starting school.

👉 Download your free bedtime routine chart here