Why Check-Ins Matter: Supporting Your Toddler's Emotions at Bedtime

toddler sleeping independently

It’s easy to forget that babies and toddlers can have rough nights too. As parents, we often think: “We had a great day, the schedule was on point, they seemed just the right amount of tired... so why is bedtime suddenly so hard?”

But here’s the truth: just like us, little ones have off nights. Nights when their minds are racing, when they feel a little more sensitive, or when they simply need more from us—emotionally.

And that doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means your child is human.

What Are Check-Ins?

Check-ins are a simple, gentle way to offer your child emotional support when they’re having trouble settling down for sleep. It’s not about “fixing” sleep or enforcing a rule—it’s about connection.

It’s walking into the room, offering a hug, saying a few soothing words like:

• “It’s okay. I’m right here.”

• “You’re doing such a great job trying to fall asleep.”

• “Sometimes I have a hard time falling asleep too.”

Then letting them know you’ll come back to check on them.

That reassurance can be all it takes for a child to relax and drift off, knowing they’re not alone.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

One of the most powerful things we can do at bedtime is validate our child’s experience.

If your toddler says, “I can’t fall asleep,” or “I feel nervous,” you don’t have to rush to fix it or distract them. Instead, try:

• “That’s okay. Sometimes it’s hard for me too.”

• “I get that feeling sometimes. Want to know what helps me?”

By naming the feeling and sharing your own experiences, you’re teaching emotional regulation in real time.

Share What Helps You

I love sharing calming strategies that work for me when I can’t fall asleep—and kids love hearing them!

Here are a few simple things you can model or suggest:

🧠 Counting slowly in your head.“I like to count to 10... over and over... it helps my brain slow down.”

💤 Deep breathing.“I put my hand on my tummy and take 3 big belly breaths.”

📖 Creating a story in your head.“I imagine I’m in my favorite place—like a beach or a cozy cabin—and I think about what I’d do there.”

🎵 Listening to soft sounds.“I close my eyes and try to hear the quietest sound in the room.”

These strategies don’t just distract them—they build lifelong skills for calming down and falling asleep independently.

Check-Ins Aren’t a Sign of “Failure”

Let’s clear something up: needing to check on your toddler at night doesn’t mean sleep has regressed or that you’re doing something wrong.

It just means they need a little extra support right now. And that’s perfectly normal.

Unlike check-ins during sleep training methods like Ferber—where the goal is to teach independent sleep—these check-ins are not about “training.” Your child already knows how to fall asleep; they’re just feeling a little anxious or unsettled, and they need to know you’re there.

That’s not spoiling. That’s parenting.

How Often Should You Check In?

There’s no hard rule. The time between check-ins should be based on how you feel.

Here’s a simple approach:

• Start with 5 minutes if your child is really needing you.

• Then try stretching to 10 minutes.

• Some nights, all it takes is one check-in to help them settle.

• On other nights, you might do two or three—and that’s okay!

What matters most is that you’re showing up in a way that feels good for you and reassuring for them.

So next time your toddler is tossing and turning, asking for one more hug, or just feeling a little “off”… pause. Breathe. Remind yourself: this is normal.

Acknowledge their feelings. Offer gentle support. Do a check-in (or two).It’s not about perfection—it’s about presence.

And when we show our kids that their feelings are valid and that we’ll be there—even when they’re not babies anymore—we’re giving them the gift of emotional security that lasts far beyond bedtime.

✨ Need help navigating sleep with your toddler or baby?Let’s chat! Together, we can make bedtime feel better—for everyone.👉 Click here to schedule a free discovery call.