Co-Sleeping vs. Independent Sleep: What’s Actually Better for My Baby?

Baby and mom co sleeping.

If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve wrestled with this question: Should I co-sleep with my baby, or should my baby sleep independently?

If you’re already co-sleeping, you may wonder if it’s the safest or healthiest choice. And if your baby is in their own crib or bassinet, you may sometimes think: Am I missing out on the closeness that co-sleeping offers?

The truth is, there isn’t one “right” answer. What works beautifully for one family may be a nightmare for another.

My Experience

When I became a mom, I tried co-sleeping because I thought it might solve our sleep struggles. Instead, it made things worse—no one was getting quality rest.

Eventually, we went back to having separate sleep spaces and established clear limits, and it worked much better for us.

But that’s just my story. I also work with families from different cultures, and in many parts of the world co-sleeping isn’t even a question—it’s simply the norm. In those households, the “family bed” can last for years and everyone thrives.

The Origins of Co-Sleeping

Historically, co-sleeping is an ancient practice. For thousands of years, mothers slept next to their babies to keep them warm, provide easy nighttime feeding, and protect them from danger. In that context, it was essential for survival.

As societies modernized, so did sleeping arrangements. In the Western world, pediatric research began highlighting concerns about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and suffocation risks associated with bed-sharing. This is when the push for independent sleep—babies in their own crib or bassinet—became widespread.

What the Research Says

Here’s where things get a little complicated:

• Attachment & closeness. Some parents worry that putting their baby in a separate sleep space will harm bonding. Attachment theory emphasizes the importance of being responsive and physically close, which is why many parents lean toward co-sleeping. But research does not show that bed-sharing automatically creates a stronger attachment or that crib-sleeping causes long-term trust issues. Secure attachment comes from how consistently and lovingly you respond to your baby’s needs, not the exact place they sleep.

• Safety guidelines. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) currently recommends room-sharing without bed-sharing for at least the first 6 months (ideally the first year). This means keeping your baby close—in a bassinet, crib, or bedside sleeper—so you can respond quickly, while still giving them a safe, separate surface to reduce SIDS risk. These types of bedside sleepers are really great.

• Cultural differences. In many cultures, bed-sharing is the norm and isn’t associated with negative outcomes, likely because families adapt their environments and practices to make it safe. This is why it’s important not to see sleep as a one-size-fits-all issue.

Two Things That Matter Most

1. Your baby’s safety. If you choose to co-sleep, it’s crucial to follow safe sleep guidelines:

   • Baby should always be placed on their back.

   • Use a firm mattress with no pillows, blankets, or loose items.

   • Never co-sleep on couches, recliners, or armchairs.

   • Parents should avoid alcohol, smoking, or sedating medications. Resources like La Leche League’s Safe Sleep Seven provide practical checklists for safer bed-sharing.

   
   

2. Your family’s well-being. Sleep is only helpful if it actually works for everyone. If co-sleeping leaves you exhausted, irritable, or struggling with your health, then it’s not sustainable. Likewise, if independent sleep leads to endless nighttime battles and nobody’s resting, it might be worth reconsidering.

Can Sleep Training Work with Co-Sleeping?

Yes! Teaching independent sleep skills doesn’t necessarily mean your baby has to be in a separate room. Even if you’re co-sleeping, you can gently guide your baby toward falling asleep on their own without relying on rocking, feeding, or constant touch.

In the newborn months, babies naturally need more nighttime support. But as they grow, it’s both okay and expected for them to learn to sleep more independently—whether they’re in your bed, a bedside crib, or their own room.

Finding Balance

Personally, I never co-slept when my kids were babies, but once they were older (around age 3), we introduced “sleepovers.” Sometimes we all pile into one bed, and it’s amazing! Even now, at ages 8 and 4, we still do it occasionally. I get the closeness, the snuggles, and the bonding time—without sacrificing healthy sleep for the whole family.

That’s really the heart of it: you don’t have to choose between connection and rest. With a little creativity, you can have both.

At the end of the day, co-sleeping vs. independent sleep isn’t about which is “better.” It’s about what’s safe, sustainable, and supportive for your baby and your family.

There will always be strong opinions out there, but the only thing that matters is what allows you to rest, feel confident in your choices, and enjoy your time with your baby.